


Break my Wings

by AwkwardShipper



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Tragedy, Character Death, Cus why not??, Drugs, It's really short tho, M/M, POV Eren Yeager, POV Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Platonic Relationships, Plot Twists, Sad, Unrequited Love, sigh, soft Levi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-10-04
Packaged: 2018-04-20 19:08:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4799009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwkwardShipper/pseuds/AwkwardShipper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren was a normal student before his life at home hit the bottom. And just when Eren thought he had lost everything, a man, broken in every way, comes into his life. But can you fall in love with someone when you know you can only break them? The answer is far more difficult than they both could have imagine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yoooooo  
> I can't believe I'm doing this. I'm a newbie writer. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> That is all.

Hopefully, another Friday‘s classes had ended and Jean, Mikasa, Armin and I were walking home. Like always, Jean and Mikasa were strolling in the front, flirting and obviously failing, while Armin and I were in the back.

„Any plans for the weekend?“ Armin asked once we hit Jean‘s home street.

„Nah, I just wanna relax a bit, you know.“ I shrugged and Jean threw his stupid face at me.

„What‘s wrong, Eren? Don‘t wanna have fun with me, eh?“

And at the same moment he swerved over some litter but to my sadness he managed not to trip and look like a douche. Too bad he still is one. The rest of us bursted out in tears.

„Fuck you all!“ Jean cursed.

„No thanks.“ I said (or tried) between laughter.

We fist bumped and Jean turned left to his home, while the rest of us walked down the street.

„So anyways, don‘t call me this weekend.“ I commented.

Armin and Mikasa didn‘t argue with me and with a small chat I turned towards my house, leaving the two stroll forward. I live in a small house almost on the corner of the street.

The door was unlocked so I rushed straight to my room. Can‘t really call it my own room, it‘s just a desk with all my stuff at the back of the living room, since I sleep on the couch.  
Never had privacy. Don‘t mind it too much though, I live with my mother because my father... Well... I don‘t like stating the fact that I have a father. He‘s not dead, no, he just comes home one or two times a month from his work, makes a chaos here and leaves again. Nothing else, no love, no nothing.

That day was also today. My mother and I were having dinner when we heard the door click. He stormed in and took of his round glasses, glaring at me.

„You‘re still here, huh.“ He spat his words and sat down at the table. He reeked of alcohol and disgust.

„Well, I _do_ live here.“ I shot back with a sharp voice.

My mother put the soup on the table in front of him. I her hands trembled in fear.

„Here, honey, it‘s still warm.“ She forced a sad smile on her sad face. I‘m so sorry that life is like this, mother, I‘m so sorry.

He sipped the soup all the while staring at me with his piercing eyes. I did the same. We were like two predators waiting for one to start his attack. I can‘t even remember the day I called him my father aloud.

We finished the dinner in silence. No one made a sound but the tension made me want to cover my ears and flee.

Later that evening I was sitting by my desk, reading a book about family and love. The TV was on, flashing news in the living room. My mother screamed and sounds of glass breaking echoed through the house. I rushed to see what was going on and of course he was abusing my mother again. He was now choking her and on the ground a shattered bottle lied.

„Leave her alone!“ I shouted on top of my lungs which made him release her. He turned his face to me.

„What the fuck do you want, punk?“ He said in a raspy voice. „Look what the whore did.“ He pointed at the liquid on the floor.

„She‘s not a whore, you fuck.“ My anger was dominating me, I don‘t think I was thinking clear anymore.

„You think?“ He stepped to me and tried to place his cold hands on my neck. I fought back but he gripped a handful of my hair and shook up. „I hate you so much.“ He spat on my face. I brushed it off with anger flowing in my veins.

The smell of alcohol and nicotine almost made me purge but I resisted it. I thought he was done with me but he decided to start choking me. I tried gasping for air however my vision was getting blurry.

„Hate me? If you hate me that much why don‘t you kill me?“ I barely was choking out the words. „Why do you have to take on my mother, you fuck!“ He released me and I swerved while regaining my balance.

I took a glimpse at my mother, who was lying on the floor with her face covered in fear. She was shaking her head sideways, she‘d rather have herself be hurt than me.  
„Hah, do what you want, it‘s not like you‘re even my son. Killing you would make such a mess, you know. You can fucking go, it‘s not like you even belong in this world.“ He stated. That was the moment I lost my patience, so I ran to my desk, picked up my backpack and stormed to the door.

„You‘re nothing but a disappointing little fag of this world, you know that, don‘t you?“ He commented while I flew out the door.

„Eren, no!“ A slight voice of despair from my mother came through the door but I didn‘t look back. I got tired of this life. I don‘t want to come back to that house. I‘d rather live alone on the street than to ever go back there. And that was my decision.

It was already getting dark so I turned to the city to find a place where I could spend the night. Strange, but I didn‘t even think of going to any of my friends‘. Mikasa and Armin knew that my family wasn‘t perfect. However they had no idea what kind of life swells in my home either, they had no idea my father was an abusive alcoholic and everything. I hate the idea of barging into someone‘s life with my own problems too. The only place I thought of was the park.

The park was hopefully empty, all the streets were too. It had to be somewhere between 11 pm and 1 am. I chose the nearest bench since I didn‘t feel like being murdered by the bums and drug addicts which would probably happen if I went deeper in to the park.

“Well shit, this is gonna be a pain in the ass.” I murmured to myself as I sat on the bench. Why do benches have to be so cold at night?

I placed my jacket on the surface, lied down and placed my arms under my head. So this is where my life has come to, huh? I had no idea if I’ll go back home tomorrow or not, if I was gonna call Armin or not but I was sure I’ll have to spend the cold night here. How pitiful. Maybe the first homeless nights are the worst?

I tried falling asleep but it’s impossible. First, it’s too cold and second, I don’t think I’ll actually sleep for the next month at all. So I sat up. And stared. Stared. Stared at nothing. My eyes were tired but I didn’t want to sleep. My mind was reciting all the events that happened in the past 5 hours. I felt so bad for my mother. She didn’t deserve any of this but here I am lying on this fucking bench all alone. I felt myself dozing off so I closed my eyes.

I had no idea how much time passed until I opened my eyes again. Wasn’t that much I suppose since the street was still dark and empty. I heard someone walking. My eyes focused on a man on the other side of the street. He stopped for a few moments and started tramping towards me. I noticed how short he was.

“Oy, what are you doing here? Don’t you know what time it is?” The man’s sharp and husky voice immediately caught my attention across the street.

“The fuck do you care? I live here now, so what?” I responded.

“Live here?” The man retorted with contempt in his husky voice. He clicked his tongue.

“I got kicked out of the house and?” Couldn’t he just fucking go? I didn’t feel like socializing.

The man didn’t say anything for a while, he was just standing here in front of me, a black silhouette. I suppose he was observing me and I wasn’t sure what I expected.  
“Why don’t you come with me? You won’t fall sleep here, trust me.” He declared.

“With you? Seriously? What do you want from me?” I was sure I didn’t expect that even from myself. I never use this tone at anyone else except Jean and my father.  
“I want to help you, that’s all.” He extended his hand to me but I quickly pushed it away.

“Fuck off.” I cursed at him and crossed my arms. He noticed my resistance and with a swift move he covered my mouth with sleeve. The last thing I felt was a sharp acute pain penetrating me.

~~~  
When I opened my eyes I noticed my arms and legs were tied. I was in a room. A bedroom, maybe? I heard footsteps and the door opened.

It was the same man, he now stood in front of me with his arms folded, his hair was nicely parted in the middle. The short man wore a nice shirt with the first button free. His collar bones were showing and I realized how not only short he was, but his build was small too. The man leaned off the door and stepped a bit closer to me.

“If you wanna fuck me, you might as well do so. No need for professional scenarios.” I scoffed. “I don’t mind it, go ahead.”

“I want to help you, not have sex with you.” The man in front of me calmly responded. “You think it’s no big deal but you’ll soon start having nightmares, thinking it’s your fault. You’ll start seeing things from a different perspective and when that happens, you either get sent to a psych ward or kill yourself."

I wanted to shout and scream but my throat felt clogged with something. Do I really mind being killed right now?

“You’re not listening are you?” He narrowed his eyes.

“What the fuck do you want from me? You think I have cash?”

“I don’t want you to waste your life like this just because you made a mistake. It’s not for what we’re granted this life.” The man explained and sighed, looking through me.  
“Why do you care then? I don’t know you.” I laughed which quickly became hard coughing.

“Because that’s exactly what happened to me.” And so he left. I was left to lie like this in this room, hell knows for how long.

When I woke up, I realized I was lying on the bed, my hands and arms completely free. The room was dimly lit by the afternoon sun, the walls had pretty grey wallpapers and the bed was ridiculously huge. I was covered in a fuzzy purple blanket. Is this his bedroom? I sat up, my mind wandering off, I rubbed my eyes. I actually felt like I slept deeply, my guess was about 12 hours of sleep was enough for me.

This was definitely his bedroom. The bookshelf was filled with colourful books, the closet had a dark wood pattern. What I loved the most was that the whole left wall to me were windows. The scenery of the city was stunning, I never seen anything so calming. The sky had a nice shade of orange and pink, the sun was hiding between the skyscrapers. This is probably the highest level of the building. The whole city was in front of me. For a moment, I forgot about everything, but then I remembered that I have no home. And that I was abducted by a man who claimed he wants to help me.

I have no idea for how long I kept staring behind the windows and just sitting here, but then I heard footsteps. They were getting closer and I heard the door open. The same man stepped in and looked at with, his face seemed different this time. It’s as if he was scared or not sure about something, pity was written all over it.  
“Oh you’re awake. I’m glad. I need to talk to you” The man announced and walked towards the bed. I was gazing at him, as he sat on the bed next to me. Should I be scared? I feel like I should be, hit him and run for my life maybe. But I wasn’t. Perhaps his voice calmed and soothed me, maybe I didn’t care what would happen to anymore or maybe I was scared shitless I couldn’t even do anything.

“Your mother is Carla Jaeger, right?” The man asked out of blue. So that also means he knows my name, right?

“Yeah, why?” I answered silently. Only now I noticed how dry my throat is and how hungry I am too.

“She died, Eren.” The man lowered his stare. “She killed herself this morning. No trace of you father.”

“Wait,” I let out a desperate laugh, something was already building up in me. “What?”

“It wasn’t hard to find you family, it’s a part of my job. I’m sorry, Eren, but I can’t let you go anywhere now.” His voice was so soft and silent I wanted to cry.

The realisation hit me like a train. I was homeless now. An orphan. And it’s all my fault. If it wasn’t for me, I would still have a family and my mother would be still alive. A silent sob echoed through the room which quickly became loud and I started crying. I wanted to cry for the rest of my life, no, I wanted to pay for what I did. I wanted to die. I needed to die.

“It’s…It’s all my fault…I…killed her…” Silent screams were escaping my mouth. I hid my face under my hands as I sobbed. I was shaking, my mind was breaking and I could feel my heart break into million pieces.

I felt him wrap his arms around me. He shuffled on top of me and buried my face in his chest, caressing my hair that were a mess from the sleep. I couldn’t hear anything apart from my gross sobbing and those broken screams in between. I felt lost and empty.

“It’s okay, Eren. It’s not your fault.” His words tried to comfort me, but I couldn’t even feel anything. I teared my hands from my flushed face and wrapped my arms about him. I didn’t care anymore.

“I…Wanna sleep…” I muttered almost mutely, but he heard me. The man let me go and I felt cold rush through me.

I felt tired, so tired I couldn’t cry anymore. I was a whimpering mess. An empty and completely broken body lying in someone’s bed. My mind started getting more and hazier and I felt myself drifting away.

Nothing seemed like reality anymore, I wanted to wake up from this dream. I wanted to wake up in my own bed by the smell of my mother’s breakfast. But I knew it’s all lost. Nothing will be the same now. Because I had killed my mother. Right now, I wanted to fall asleep and never wake up.

~~~  
This time I woke to the sound of someone smashing the door. I lazily opened my eyes hoping something had changed. But I was wrong, everything was the same. Only the sky now looked dark and was filled with dull stars.

I shuffled in my place and stood up. I considered that I may have been crying my sleep, because my tears were dried fresh. I rubbed my face with my shirt and lingered towards the door. I don’t believe I was thinking. My mind was literally a broken TV.

I walked into the living room. It was spacious, in the middle there was a big leather couch followed by a glossy coffee table. A laptop was on the table. The short man was sitting on the couch, looking concerned about something. The room had a HD TV which was turned off and on the left I could see a part of the modern kitchen. On the right was a hallway which probably led to the bathroom, which is where I aimed to. I wandered myself towards the hallway but the man caught my presence.

“How are you feeling?” He stood up.

“The bathroom…” I mumbled and he pointed towards the hallway.

“First door on the right.” The man commented. “Are you going to eat?”

I nodded as I took the knob into my hands. The man then made his way to the kitchen and I slipped in to the bathroom. Calm blue color welcomed me and without hesitation I stepped into the shower. I probably spent there about an hour.

When I came back to the living room, a delicious smell awakened my hunger and I seated myself in the armchair right next to the couch. The man was now drinking coffee and following my actions. I quickly ate the ratatouille and melted into the armchair. My gaze was now locked on him.

“What’s your name?” I asked. I wanted to know about him since he knew that much about me now. He looked at me peacefully, parting his lips from the cup.  
“Levi.” He answered. “I’m 25. My parents died when I was 6. My father killed my mother in a car crash. From then I started living on the streets.”

I was observing every single words that came from his mouth. I wanted to hear his story. Fuck I was so tired. He continued talking:

“Then I lived in the parks and dark alleyways, but I needed money to live. So I started selling myself. I had to do what I had to do to stay alive, and as long as I had money, I was fine doing it. I did go to school and finished it. My grades were normal, no one complained, but I can tell you how disgusting it is to go to school when your ass was fucked by an old fuck the same night.” He frowned in disgust and smirked at me. I felt my blood rush faster and goosebumps traveled through my body, but I didn’t skip at least one word Levi was telling me. “Then a person named Erwin came into my life, and then someone offered me a job. And here I am now.”

Levi emptied his cup and put it on the table, then lied back, crossed his legs and folded his arms. We were now looking at each other directly. I was retelling his story in my mind, it sent shivers down my spine and so many question were wandering in my brain.

“Didn’t you want to… kill yourself?” I hesitantly asked.

“Yes, indeed, I tried to kill myself more than two times. Pills didn’t work and I was too scared to jump, I guess.” Levi answered calmly. “What an idiot…” He whispered to himself.  
For the next hour we both sat in silence. It was calming, really. My mind was corrupted with so many thoughts, though. And all those thoughts were screaming at me. I was screaming at myself. I still had no idea what to do, I was homeless.

“Can I... Live with you for a while now?” I shyly asked Levi.

“I’m not letting you out anywhere for a while. Hell knows what you might do and your life is not something you should toss around.” Levi pointed out. For some reason I felt relieved, calm. Maybe I was too tired of everything at the very least. But I certainly felt cared.

I sincerely smiled at Levi and when he responded with a small curve on his lips, he picked up the laptop and continued browsing. Levi turned on the TV and after a while I felt myself falling asleep again. I seriously didn’t feel like doing anything else than sleeping.

~~~  
I felt myself being shook by someone. I pried my eyes open to find Levi staring at me with a relief. I was permeated in cold sweat which prompted that I was having a nightmare. I looked at Levi with my hazy eyes, shuffling myself.

“You’ve been screaming in your sleep, Eren.” Levi told me. “You should go to bed, you might catch a cold sleeping like this.”

“Will you come?” I asked sleepily as I stood up, hardly bearing my tears from falling. “I don’t wanna sleep alone…”

Levi grumbled to my mutter and steadied me, because I was almost falling. Apparently my legs decided to fall asleep and I fell into Levi’s arms like a rock into water. He caught me and picked me up bridal style. I didn’t really complain, only let out a small groan, as he carried me to the bed.

The bed started to feel a lot more like my old bed. It was clean and the sheets were changed. They smelled like lavender and I found myself sniffing the sheets far longer than I probably should have. Levi entered the bedroom after a while and silently made himself to the bed. I was already drifting off.

Without another word he lied down next to me, I wanted to move myself closer, but I was too tired. I was lying on my side, looking straight into the night city. It was pretty, still alive and flashing with lights. I wanted to go home, but I also wanted this place to become my home. I think I’m supposed to go to school tomorrow. I don’t think I ‘ll ever step back into school, but then again, for how long will Levi let me stay here?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's shorter tho, sorry. I'm feeling too depressed to even edit it *flies away into the sun*

I woke up to Levi and someone arguing. 

The sky was welcoming the sun and the streets were already packed with people and cars. I figured I cried in my sleep again since I woke up literally in a puddle, my face was still wet from tears. Walking was the hardest thing, I barely stood on my feet and my head made me swing both ways while I lingered to the door. I hestitated. I tried consuming the words that were coming from the living room but I couldn‘t register any of them.

I opened the door and slithered to the room where I saw Levi and a tall blond man standing and talking. Levi‘s silver eyes found me but I pointed towards the kitchen. I couldn‘t really understand what the two were talking about but I‘m guessing the tall guy is named Erwin, since I heard Levi address him like that.

While I pushed the cold water down my throat and heard the door click, Levi stepped next to me. 

„Feeling okay?“ He asked.

„Yeah. I think so.“ I nodded.

„I kind of want to talk to you, so meet me on the sofa.“ Levi announced and exited the kitchen.

I sat down on the armchair and hugged my legs that were pressed to my chest. I waited for Levi to start, but my curiosity wanted the oposite.  
„Was that guy Erwin?“

„Yeah.“ Levi simply answered.

„What were you arguing about?“ What a dumb question.

At first Levi hesitated to answer, I saw his eyes narrow and his jaw clench. Still, he coldly answered:

„Work.“

Of course that was a lie and we both knew that. I had a good feeling that the whole conversation was about me. Well, obviously. How would you react if you come to your lover‘s house and he tells you I‘m sorry, but there‘s a homeless kid sleeping on my bed now. 

And that Erwin named guy didn‘t seem to be warm-hearted, more like a commander in the middle of a war. I guessed they both work in some kind of company, because Erwin was wearing a smart suit with a dark green tie, and his hair was that rich type greasy. Like in the 90s. I bet he was a real ladies‘ man, a dream husband for sure. And yet, he fucks dudes. What a tragedy.

Levi‘s gaze was locked on me. I have to admit, Levi in the morning looked really hot; dark gray sweatpants and a black tight V- neck shirt, with his bed hair sticking out everywhere. The man coughed.

„I called your homeroom teacher and told about everything and she said it‘s okay if you don‘t come to school today. But I suppose go to school tomorrow. If anyone asks, I‘m your uncle from your mother‘s side.“ Levi‘s voice is surprisingly calm even though he looks like he‘s about to murder you and your family. „I know it‘s hard but if you stay in bed all day, you won‘t feel better, you need to socialize, Eren.“

I shivered when I heard my name. I knew Levi was right, but going to school seemed like walking straight to hell.  
„Fine.“ I murmered. 

However, Levi compensated me by taking me for some clothes shopping and also bought me some school stuff, because I left absolutely everything at home, to which I had no desire to go. For some reason, it felt like Levi and I knew each other for at least a month. I guess he tried to cheer me up but I still felt the sincerity in his voice.  
I asked about the funeral of my mom and we agreed for it to be silent, without any ceremonies. I didn‘t want to say the last goodbye to her like normal people do. I loved her, yes, but I still couldn‘t bear the pain that filled my whole chest when I thought about her. So, I decided to talk to her next to her graveyard alone.  
And tomorrow I went to school.

While I rushed through the dull school corridors, Armin and Mikasa stopped me, not far from our physics class.

„Eren!“ They both shouted and Mikasa was the first to hug me tighly.

„I‘m sorry, Eren.“ I heard her say.

„Yeah, it‘s okay. I don‘t wanna talk about it.

She let me go and I stepped back a little. Armin‘s cute smile greeted me and he also softly hugged me.

„Who are you living with now?“ My blond friend asked.

„Uhh... With my uncle, Levi. He recently came home from work overseas.“ I awkwardly stuttered.

„Uncle?“ Mikasa‘s eyes narrowed and she cocked her eyebrow. „ Did you know that 1 out of 5 uncles who live alone violate their nephews?“

„Don‘t be ridicilous, Mika.“ Armin cornered. 

„Relax, I‘m fine.“ I declared too.

Mikasa just eyed both of us like she often does and we all marched in to class. Everyone greeted and sympathized me, even Jean, who is the biggest dick of our class. We sat down in our places and the bell rang.

Physics went fast and the bell, announcing the end of lesson, soon chimed throughout the school. Our homeroom teacher, Petra Ral, stepped in to class while most of us were already walking out the door. She saw me and waved at me, coming towards. After a few simply greets and words, she asked:

„You live with Levi now right? He called me.“

„Uh yeah.“ 

„He may seem like he‘s a douche but he‘s actually a really kind man, Eren“ Petra smiled.

„You know him?“ I asked, putting on my blue backpack.

„Oh yes! We‘re good friends actually. We worked together some time ago.“ She giggled, leaned to my ear and whispered: „He‘s my biggest crush.“

I stared at her, not understanding a single thing, but I still managed to pull of the most sincere smile I can. We exchanged a few words and the rest of the school day went better than expected.

However, while I waited for Levi on the street, I broke down. I thought about my previous life again and hopelessness washed over me. I managed to hold back from grossly sobbing in public but I still felt those hot tears streaming down my flushed cheeks silently. 

Thank god I soon saw Levi‘s black Porsche. While we were on our way home, Levi kept asking me how was my day. My answers were dull and all I wanted to do was to crawl into a dark hole and die. Levi knew how I felt. I felt like shit. And he said it‘s okay to feel like shit. I didn‘t ask about Petra on our way home even though I really wanted.

When we got back to our apartment Levi made lunch, which was the most delicious ravioli I have ever eaten and for almost half of the day I lied on the couch, watching some stupid movies on TV. Levi was busy in his study and I didn‘t want to disturb him. And homework was the last thing I cared about. I kept reciting the events that happened this weekend. It all seemed like a really bad TV show. I had to keep reminding myself that all of that really did happen and that I have no parents now.

Everything became black and gray and all I wanted to do was to just spend the rest of my life like this. Crying over spilt milk. Levi said that socializing is what I need to do right now and kept reminding that none of this was my fault, but no matter how hard I tried, all those words seemed stupid.

The next and the next days passed the same. I went to school, practically slept through all the classes, came home, ate and lied on the sofa. Until on Friday, I had decided to go visit my mother‘s grave. I told Levi I was going to do that and he was actually happy about that. 

I sat down on the small bench which was facing the gravestone. I had no idea what to say, so most of the time I spent just looking at the her name and letting all the memories reach my mind. I didn‘t cry, however. I felt calm, even. 

„I‘m sorry, mom. I‘m sorry all of this happened. I know if it wasn‘t for my hot-headed personality everything would be okay. I love you, mother.“ I broke down sobbing. „I really really love you. And I‘ll always will, no matter what. I know that even right now, you want me to be happy. Thank you for everything. I never got to even say good bye on that evening, so good bye, mother. I love you.“

I continued sitting for probably another hour until I took out my phone to see what‘s the time. I saw my flushed and wet face reflect from the screen. I was broken. What else do you expect from me?

I was checking my backpack‘s pocket‘s for some earphones and I found all my savings I had took with myself when I left home. Over 200$. I stared at them. Then, with an idea, I stood up, glanced once more at the grave stone and lingered myself to the town centre.

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any thoughts or comments please tell me, I'd really appreaciate it :3  
> Love you all~


End file.
